Iowa Nice Is Supposed to Mean Something. What Happened?

I grew up believing Iowa was different. That we looked out for our neighbors. That we extended grace to people going through hard times. That we didn't kick people when they were down.

I live in Des Moines, Polk County now and I look around at what is happening in this state and I am not so sure Iowa Nice is still operating the way it used to.

One Moment Does Not Define a Person

This week I listened to Kristin Cabot's interview on the Oprah Podcast. She is the woman caught on the Coldplay kiss cam last summer — the fifteen second video that became the most watched clip of 2025 with 300 billion views.

The internet decided in those fifteen seconds that it knew exactly who she was. It sent her death threats. Her children were afraid they were going to die. She lost her career and her friendships. And then the internet moved on to the next thing.

What 300 billion people never knew: Cabot was already separated from her husband. Her estranged husband was at the same concert. The relationship shown on camera had not been physical before that night. There was context — real, human, complicated context — that nobody waited to find out.

We are living in a world of judges and juries where no one gets a defense. Where the verdict comes before the evidence. Where the sentence is handed down in the comments section before anyone has asked a single question.

Our Leaders Are Making It Worse

Our leaders don't just allow this culture of dehumanization — they model it.

This weekend President Trump used social media to celebrate the death of former FBI Director Robert Mueller, posting that he was glad he was dead. That same weekend he declared the Democratic Party is now America's greatest enemy — putting tens of millions of American citizens, your neighbors and coworkers and family members, in the same category as foreign adversaries.

If you are a Democrat in Des Moines, in Polk County, anywhere in Iowa — the President has declared you a threat to this nation. That is not political disagreement. That is dehumanization from the highest office in the land. And when it comes from the top it gives everyone watching permission to do the same.

Iowa Is Doing This To Its Own Neighbors

I love Iowa. But I will be honest — every day I see less and less of the Iowa I thought I knew. And it makes me want to leave more than I ever have before.

Iowa just passed legislation stripping cities and counties of the ability to protect transgender residents from discrimination. Real people. Iowa neighbors. People who live and work and pay taxes right here in Polk County and across this state.

Iowa passed a three strikes law that locks people away for decades with no recognition that human beings can change and grow and make better choices when given the opportunity and support to do so.

The logic underneath both of those policies is the same logic that sent death threats to Kristin Cabot. Some people are less than. Some people's mistakes define them permanently. Punishment is more satisfying than redemption.

That is not Iowa Nice. That is Iowa Mean.

What Iowa Nice Was Always Supposed to Mean

I think about Kristin Cabot not because she made no mistakes — she has said herself that she did. I think about her because 300 billion people decided in fifteen seconds that they knew exactly who she was and exactly what she deserved.

That is not justice. That is cruelty dressed up as accountability.

The Iowa I grew up believing in had a particular kind of grace. Not naive. Not without standards. But willing to recognize that people are people. That showing up for your neighbor even when things are complicated is not weakness. It is the whole point of community.

We are trading that for the dopamine hit of a pile-on. The satisfaction of deciding someone else is the villain so we don't have to examine ourselves.

Kristin Cabot said she hopes people will remember that there are real humans behind the content they scroll past and pile onto. That is the most Iowa thing I have heard anyone say in a long time — even if she has never been to Iowa in her life.

See the person. Not just the moment.

That is Iowa Nice. That is what it was always supposed to mean. And it is worth fighting to get it back.

Rebecca Nicole Schweitzer is a Des Moines, Polk County, Iowa writer and community advocate. Read more at iowaraisedrebeccaschweitzerunfiltered.com and on Medium, Substack, X, and Bluesky.